I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
