You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He has the fingertips of a God
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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