Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
