you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
