Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
