I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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