Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
