Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
