You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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