oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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