Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
