i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
