Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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