I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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