trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
