So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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