im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
