You made me cry and you don't even care
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
