This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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