I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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