I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who died my cat blue again?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
