The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
