Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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