HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
