Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
