I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
