Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
