She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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