dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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