If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
