i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she told me i tasted like america
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
