If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
