i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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