They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
