The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
