this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
