someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
