Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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