after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
