You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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