official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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