Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
