haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
