Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
