Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
