Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
