brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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