You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
