Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
