apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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