I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
